Less-Than-Fab February
Hey my loves! I'm back with another monthly brain dump, and I hope you enjoyed the last one. This space is slowly becoming my favorite.
The last week of January was incredibly positive. I took time for myself, worked hard on Chapter Infinity, created content for my tiny YouTube channel, and enjoyed some quiet moments over the Chinese New Year holidays. I also discovered a new coffee shop which has become one of my favorite coffee shops in the city. By the end of that week, I had a new video up and was learning to use my new camera, which made me feel very optimistic about February.
Week 1: When Anxiety Gets the Best of Me
This week was tough. I’m not sure where it all went wrong, but I felt overwhelmed with worry, fear, and uncertainty. I usually maintain a positive outlook and respect the uniqueness of everyone’s journey, but suddenly I couldn’t shake the feeling of regret for not starting my business years ago. It sounds odd, but I kept thinking about it. This anxiety built up to the point of physical pain; my left ear started aching! On February 4th, I went to a coffee shop, hoping to work on a product I'm passionate about, but I was a mess and ended up in tears. This state of anxiety lingered and set a very negative tone for the rest of the month.
Week 2: The Shell of Me!
Returning to work was daunting; many kids in my class were moving up, leaving me feeling empty. Most of these children were my source of solace and safety. We also had new kids joining for the semester, there was a lot of crying. Amidst all this, I decided to focus on myself by informing my managers that I would drop one of the special classes I was in charge of. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was necessary. I felt exhausted, as if I was pouring into a cup that wasn’t filling me back up. Overall, this week was incredibly taxing emotionally. I asked myself unusual questions like, am I worthy of my dreams? If so, why do I constantly feel like I’m running out of time? While I want to make it absolutely clear that I’m grateful for my life, there’s something I feel is missing. I know I can do more with my life, and this is a nagging feeling that I can’t shake off. Even so, my anxiety lingered throughout the week, making it hard to sleep and wake up. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed too blurry. Thank goodness for Valentine’s Day; gifts can really lift your mood, very materialistic of me 😂
Week 3: My Faith and Its Existence
Over the past few years, I want to say it’s been about 7 years now, my faith and journey as a Christian have been a little shaky. Although I have maintained a relationship with God, I have equally avoided certain practices. I’ve been saying I wanted to return to church for a while now. Initially, I thought I would go back last year, but something held me back. This week, I finally voiced what I’ve been feeling for years. I am someone who reads a lot, I also travel and listen to people's experiences and journeys in life. Another factor is that I live abroad. All these things combined with certain world events have made me wary of wanting to gather with Christians. Now, does my faith exist? Is praying at home enough to be called a child of God? This journey can feel confusing, but I remind myself to navigate it with kindness. For now, I will keep doing what I have been doing for the past few years. This aspect of my life will remain very private and sacred until I figure things out. I know this topic can be very sensitive to others, and it is not very easy to articulate.
Week 4: Wrapping Up February
I made it a point to make this week amazing. I spent the weekend leading into the last week soaking up positive energy and rearranging my space for spring. I wrapped up some critical aspects of Chapter Infinity, and things finally started looking up. I went to bed early and woke up in time to journal and enjoy my coffee.
Lessons Learned
Some opportunities are to learn, and some opportunities are to earn.
Sometimes, you get a chance to learn new things, even if you don’t make money from it. Other times, you can earn money. Both are important for your future.
Scared money don’t make money.
If you are too scared to use your money, you might not make more money. Sometimes, you need to take a chance to grow your money.
Stay hungry but never thirsty!
Always want to do better and achieve more, but don’t act desperate. Keep a balance between trying hard and being patient.
….and Investing in yourself is just as important as investing in a business or opportunity, if not more.
Setting a Tone for March
March is here, and with it, the freshness of spring! I’m feeling happy and excited. This month, I want to nurture my friendships. I’ve struggled with making friends, but as I grow, I feel the need to build a community. I also plan to showcase my business a bit more and let people see what I’ve been working on. Lastly, I want to focus on looking good and feeling my best!
Thank you so much for being a part of this community. Please connect with me on Instagram @absolutelyPhophi.